Meanwhile, in Bellevue…
The Wicked Witch of the East, is hereafter named…Becca.
OMG you guys! There is no season like pumpkin spice season. The air outside is air like…crisp or whatever, there’s nary a homeless person to be seen! The buildings are lit up, there’s snow…inside store displays… It’s Christmas time in Downtown Bellevue, WA! You know, the weird mock city that is located east of Seattle.
Anyway, here is Becca, enjoying that which gives her day the perfect start. A big, fat line of coke. It IS pumpkin spice flavored after all, tis’ the season! She then uses her Star-Sucks S-SUX app to order her drink so she can get on her way to selling some pharmaceuticals to some stupid ass people with science based PHDs.
Becca lives and dies at the touch of her smart phone, tablet and blue tooth. She’s always connected, always on…amphetamines of some sort. The truth is Becca was working her way toward a dream vacation, one where she would do absolutely fucking nothing. Oh she would go somewhere. Not a resort though, she couldn’t imagine being seen not moving, not producing, not. Making. Things. HAPPEN! But left completely alone, with no one to impress, Becca would finally have the opportunity to slow the fuck down. Maybe she would give narcotics a try, lord knows she sold enough to the white coats.
But that day is not today, now she must MOVE! She’s out the door, picking up the tall skinny pumpkin spice latte, she’s on the phone getting an Uber, she’s got one of those roll around brief cases with a collapable handle for all the samples and what not. The Uber driver attempts some kind of small talk but Becca is plugged in to the display on her smart phone. She gets dropped off at a hospital and rolls up like a true playa, sliding out the car, extending the handle on her day to day luggage, she steps away from the black sedan and cues up her smart phone to check her schedule.
And that’s when she sees Patrick Stewart astride an armored unicorn, riding across a field of marijuana leaves to do battle with a hello kitty inspired Darth Vader cos-player…
The phone dies.
The Uber driver gets out of the car and he’s all, “Hey, my phone is dead, and that’s like, my job and stuff!”
Becca looks up from her phone. Eye’s ablaze with tech fury she snaps her arm around and drains his brain with crazy (probably pumpkin spice flavored) energy. The dude drops dead and then she turns her phone into a wand. As she does this, she hears a big boom across town, then laughter. Something big is happening. Whatever though, thinks Becca, that was a fucking great buzz she got off that driver. Becca abandons her luggage and twirls her wand, The Love Dazzler she thinks she’ll call it, before heading straight into the hospital.
Just like that, Becca’s dream vacation dies inside her mind and is replaced with a new dream; total domination. The hospital is as good a place to start as any, lots of smarty pants brains to drain, lots of fun tech to play with.
What a wonderful, beautiful day its turning out to be you guys!
By Dick Phillips
Art by Stevie VanBronkhorst